


Better

by Liviconnor



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Past Arthur/OFC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-10
Updated: 2013-04-10
Packaged: 2017-12-08 02:42:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/756049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liviconnor/pseuds/Liviconnor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur's a widowed father, and he hasn't been interested in dating anyone since his wife died.  Unfortunately, the single mums of Puzzletime Playgroup didn't get the memo.  Enter Merlin, the barista/sociology student.  </p><p>With side appearances by Gwaine, who does not help, Gwen and Lancelot, who do, and Gaius, who should have stuck to working on toothpaste.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better

Marguerite wriggled in her car seat as soon as she saw the driveway, and Arthur parked, then went to free her from her very safe prison. She wriggled and wrapped herself around his shoulder, shouting, "Paygoop!" over and over until they'd gotten through the door, playgroup bag and all. Her bright red curls got in his face as he resettled her in his arms, and they greeted the mid-day playgroup.

"Arthur!" Cathy said as he came in, "And Maggie! Good to see you this week! How are you?"

"Down! Down!" Maggie said, and Arthur dropped the bag labeled 'Pendragon' to one side before setting his daughter gently on the floor, holding on to one hand.

"Remember the rules, Meg." Maggie nodded solemnly, but her eyes turned towards the play area that filled half the room. "Meg," Arthur said, and captured her attention. "Share, and play nice, okay?"

"Okay," she said, and promise renewed, Arthur let her into the play space. His eyes followed her as she ran headfirst into the pile of block-shaped pillows that fill one corner.

"She's a great girl," Cathy said, and they both sat down on the benches that circle two sides of the room.

"She really is," Arthur agreed. "How's Caleb?"

"He's fine. We've registered him for kindergarten next year, and he's at a preschool summer camp now."

"How are you adjusting?"

Cathy smiled. "If I didn't have Luce at home, I'd be crawling up the walls. She keeps me sane. Well, that and the work here," she said, gesturing at the playgroup session and all it entailed; volunteer organizers, involved parents, and gleeful children. 

"Uh oh," she said, glancing over his shoulder. "Looks like your fan club is on the way. I'll make space." Cathy grinned, waved, and walked over to greet the newest parents and children to arrive. Arthur looked behind him and saw that she was right; there was a determinedly smiling mother heading in his direction. He mentally sighed, then smiled.

"Hi," she said. "I don't know if we've met, but I know I've seen you and your daughter here before. I'm Lisa."

"Hi," he said, and extended his hand. "I'm Arthur."

He knew that wearing a ring would fix this, as would announcing that he was already romantically attached. But wearing his wedding ring after Marguerite's mother had passed was too close to lying for his comfort, and he knew Colleen wouldn't approve. She wouldn't want him to live alone, and he wasn't. He had Marguerite, and she was enough for him, and he certainly wasn't going to use Lena's ring to deceive women into believing he was married. At the same time, thinking about moving on and dating women again turned his stomach. He couldn't even masturbate most of the time, because the idea of sex with any woman but Colleen felt so wrong.

Of course, he mentioned that to one of his old mates, and Gwaine looked at him like he'd just announced a close relative's death; like it was the most tragic thing he'd ever known. So he never mentioned it again to anyone, and carried on talking to the occasional single mother before rejecting her as kindly as possible. He was lucky Cathy was as lesbian as they came, or he wouldn't have made many friends at Playgroup at all. As it was he had two; Cathy and Lucy, Caleb's moms, and a better pair of parents he'd never met.

The next Tuesday at playgroup he met Linda from South Newton. She was lovely and energetic, and her daughter played well with Maggie. They watched as the two built towers of foam blocks, then smashed them with appropriate smashing sounds. Eventually it ended in tears, but it didn't seem to stop the girls as they went about together, playing with trucks and blocks and dolls for the several hours that playgroup lasted. At the end, Linda asked him for coffee. Arthur smiled and declined.

"My wife passed recently," he said, "and I'm just not ready for that. But thank you." And Linda nodded that sad, sympathetic nod that Arthur had grown to quietly hate over the last year. It seemed to say, 'How noble,' and 'I understand your suffering,' and 'You poor, wonderful thing,' all at once, and Arthur was very much tired of it. He collected Maggie, picked up their bag, and began the drive home.

~o~

A few months ago he'd started having a mid-drive snack stop at Coffee Ole on the way from Puzzletime Playgroup on home. Maggie had been cranky, and Arthur had the feeling that some chocolate milk might fix both of their moods. So he'd stopped in, ordered their drinks, and handed the barista two sippy cups. The barista, whose nametag said 'Mike,' had accepted them without a blink, and given them some star-shaped stickers with the receipt.

"Thanks, Mike," Arthur had said, and the barista grinned.

"No problem," he'd said, then grinned a quirky grin. Arthur couldn't help but grin back, and put a dollar in the tip jar. He'd gone back the next week, with different sippy cups but the same cheerful barista.

On the third trip he'd lifted Maggie onto the counter so she could watch as Mike filled their cups. As Arthur paid, Mike leaned in close.

"I'm going to tell you a secret, since you're regulars now," he said, and that grin appeared again. "My name's not actually Mike."

"What is it, then?" Arthur asked.

"Don't laugh, but it's Merlin," the man confessed, and handed them their receipt and weekly stickers- smily faces this time.

"You're kidding," Arthur said, and checked behind himself. He was the only one in line, so he pulled a sticker off for Marguerite to apply where she wished. She stuck it on his face. "Thank you, Meg," he said.

"That's a lovely look for you, Arthur. You should wear stickers every day," Merlin said. "And yes, my name is Merlin. My mum thought it'd make me special."

"No kidding," Arthur said, and put the sticker on Maggie's nose instead. "There, beautiful." He picked up his daughter, then turned back to Merlin. "Well, nice to meet you Merlin. Say bye-bye Maggie!"

Maggie waved the stickers in his general direction, and they headed out the door.

Now, months later, he imagined that he had a bit of a relationship with Merlin and some of the Coffee Ole staff. He found out why Merlin's schedule never changed:

"My uncle owns the place, so he fits my shifts in with my courses, and they won't change for months. I'm studying Sociology!"

And they'd had a few chances to talk, when the weather was awful and Arthur was willing to linger. Merlin knew about Marguerite's mother, and Arthur counted it in his favor that he'd never done the sympathetic nod.

"Her mum died, complications of influenza."

"That's awful, I'm sorry. Is Maggie allergic to nuts?"

"Why?"

"Because she's about to eat one- oh!"

"Oh god, Meg, put that down!"

Merlin knew why they both used sippy cups every week (they never spill, and it's simpler to share cups), and he always brought stickers, and Arthur knew that he stole the stickers from his friend, who taught first grade. It was an odd relationship, but in a life currently dominated by playgroups and pediatricians' visits and checking on his daughter, it was nice to have this one person that was shared by Maggie, but was mostly there for him. A post-baby friendship. All the books said this was important, and now Arthur was realizing why.

~o~

The week after Linda there was Wendy, who was a part-time acupuncturist in addition to a Chinese herbalist and stay-at-home mother. Arthur told her about his editing work, and they shared stories about working after children, and Arthur thought that maybe he'd have another just-friend parent. He was optimistic when the day ended and nobody had asked him for coffee or dinner or baby-dates... until the next week, when she asked him if he'd ever tried the new teahouse opening the next town over. He smiled, and declined, and ended up at Coffee Ole with Merlin ten minutes later.

Maggie was happily dismantling a muffin in her portable high chair when Merlin asked, "Why don't you just tell them you're gay?"

Arthur snorted. "I have a daughter, Merlin. That proves that I'm straight enough to conceive a child with a woman at the very least."

"Yeah, but maybe you're a tragic closet case, or you had some sort of conversion," Merlin said, "and now you've decided that you're gayer than Patrick Swayze."

"Patrick Swayze isn't gay, Merlin."

"You know what I mean."

"If you're going to make comparisons, at least make them properly. I'd have to be gayer than Elton John to dissuade them."

Merlin made a face. "They're that determined?"

"I'm a single father at a parenting group. I've been getting a date at least every other week for months now. I wasn't this popular even before I had Maggie!"

"Oh? Spotty and awkward, were you? Irresponsible, and a jerk besides? Has parenthood forced a tangible layer of responsibility upon you that young mothers can just _taste_?" Merlin asked, wiggling his eyebrows expressively.

"Shut up and no." Arthur said. "I was perfect, just taken. Colleen and I were together for ten years, and I suppose people could tell, somehow. It was probably our shampoo or something."

Merlin gave him a very peculiar look.

"What? We shared shampoo when we were together, so I probably smelled like her. That's all I meant."

"Right," Merlin said, and Arthur scooped up as many of the muffin crumbs as he could and put them back onto Marguerite's tray so she could mash them some more, and perhaps eat some. He most certainly did not blush.

"Anyway, I need to dissuade the mums somehow, and all my old crew is suggesting is to get back on the horse." Arthur looked down. "I don't want to get back on the horse. Not yet. So I need time."

Merlin nodded. "Well, if you're not going to pretend you have a girlfriend-" and he cut himself off when Arthur tried to interrupt, "I know, I know, bad, none of that, got it. So I suggest gay. I know it seems like lying, and in a way it is, but you're not interested in ladies and it doesn't sound like you'll be leading many gents on in this group of yours-" Arthur snorted. "So that's my vote."

"Done!" Meg said, and Arthur nodded.

"That's right, hon, you're all done." He grinned at Merlin. "I'll keep that in mind. Now let me help with the clean-up," he said, and the two of them scooped up muffin debris from the table, nearby chairs, and a three-foot radius surrounding Maggie's seat. A minute later Arthur scooped up his daughter, their travel bag, and two sippy cups of chocolate milk, and went on their way.

~o~

That weekend was his dinner with Gwen and Lance and their son, Mark. Well, Marcello Benjamin Lagos-Smith, but for a boy still learning to speak in full sentences, that seemed like a bit of a mouthful. Lance was cooking something spicy in the kitchen for the adults, and lactose-free lasagne for the kids cooled on the counter, while Maggie and Mark rolled about in the living room under Gwen and Arthur's watchful eyes.

"So the coffee shop guy suggested I tell them I'm gay," Arthur said. Gwen laughed.

"Why would you do that? You're popular enough without men asking you too!"

"Exactly. I tell the women I'm gay, and maybe they'll stop asking me out every week."

Gwen thought a moment, then said, "It might not stop all of them, you know. Once straight, always flexible!"

Arthur huffed. "They can't all think that way! I could have had a revelation!"

"A complete one-eighty, Arthur? Really?" Gwen said.

"It's not too hard to imagine," Lance said, poking a head in. "You're in good enough shape, at least, you'd fit some of the stereotypes."

Arthur nodded his head. "See? I'm practically gay already!"

"Arthur, I'm not sure you want to agree with that too vigorously," Gwen said. "Unless you do, I mean, and we'd totally support you, you know that, right?"

"Two minute warning," Lance called from the kitchen.

"Hm," said Arthur, laying out plates and silverware, "I think I want to give it a try. Plan Rainbow."

"You know," Gwen said, snapping Mark into his bib, "there is one easy way to out yourself."

"Yeah?" Arthur said.

"Bring a partner," Gwen said, and just as she got Mark's wiggly feet into his high chair, Lance came in with dinner.

"Voila!" he declared, and everyone dug in.

"Delicious!"

"Excellent!"

"It's Indonesian, from when I was stationed in Bali," Lance said.

"Any word from your students there?" Arthur asked, and conversation flowed for the next thirty minutes.

The adults were just finishing their food, and the young ones absorbing theirs transcutaneously when Gwen broke out her wicked smile and said, "Arthur, I have the perfect idea."

"What's that?" He asked, doubt written across his face.

"Bring Gwaine! He flirts with everyone, even you! He'll have everyone thinking you're partners the minute he arrives," she said, and Lance had to nod as well.

"It's true Gwaine is very forward," he said.

Arthur frowned. "I'll take it under consideration."

The next week, another mom asked him for lunch. Arthur vaguely wondered if it was some sort of hazing ritual, and decided to call Gwaine that night.

"Sure!" said Gwaine. "You, me, and a room full of moms who want to get laid? What could possibly go wrong?"

"Gwaine, you're my beard. You have to pretend to be my boyfriend."

"Not sure that's what 'beard' means, my friend."

"But you know what I mean, right?"

"Yeah, sure," Gwaine said. "Meet you Tuesday at 11:40, your place, right?"

"Right," Arthur said, with a sinking feeling in his gut.

It all went wrong. He didn't want to even think about it, but at least Gwaine was happy. Cathy thought it was hilarious, once he'd explained on speakerphone that night.

~o~

A few weeks later it was sleeting outside, and since nobody wanted to be on the roads, nobody had driven out to the lonely coffee shop in the middle of the strip mall. The cold weather had tired Maggie out, and she'd fallen asleep in her highchair.

"I worry about her sometimes," Arthur confessed, brushing a muffin crumb out of her red-blonde curls.

"Why's that?" Merlin asked.

"Why wouldn't I? The things all parents worry about, I guess, like if she'll get hurt, if she'll succeed and grow up happy and strong, if I can teach her enough." He looked at Merlin. "I don't mean to moan and make you my agony aunt," he said, but Merlin shook his head.

"No, I mean, it's okay. I grew up close with my mum; it was just the two of us, y'know?" Arthur didn't know, but suddenly Merlin made a little more sense. "I just, it's okay. I don't mind listening, is all."

Arthur nodded. "The moms at the group today were talking about their hapless husbands, how different their relationships were, and I have to hope-." He gazed into his glass of chocolate milk. "I have to hope that I'm enough. I hope she'll grow up and know how to be a strong, beautiful, empowered woman, even without her mom to guide her."

When he looked up at Merlin, the other man was looking back. "Arthur, just the fact that you're worrying over it says to me that you can do that for her. You have other parents, the couple at playgroup, the friends you mentioned from before; you have a community to teach her how to be an adult, when the time comes."

Arthur looked at his daughter, saw how she slept with her hands covered in mashed blueberry and her breath coming in soft exhales.

"You know you're not alone," Merlin said.

"I know," Arthur said. "It must be the weather. Sleet always makes me introspective." He took a deep breath and socked Merlin in the shoulder, and Merlin stood up to wipe down the other tables.

"Right," he said. "Sleet. You donut- face."

"That's not even an insult," Arthur protested as he wiped the muffin bits into one hand.

"Is now," Merlin said with a grin. "You big, fake-gay donut-face."

"I'm not fake-gay," Arthur said, which made Merlin pause.

"You're not?" He asked.

Arthur hesitated, shifted, and said, "My not-boyfriend is now doing one of the mothers. Nobody's asked me out in a month, and I think they're all a bit sorry for me. Except for my idiot friend, who I am never introducing to anyone ever again."

Merlin frowned, and Arthur took the moment to rouse Marguerite.

"Time to go, love," he said, and bid goodbye to Merlin as he shuffled daughter, bag, and drinks out of the shop.

~o~

"It's almost Christmas," Cathy said in December.

"Yes, yes it is," Arthur said. "Got anything planned?"

"Why, I'm so glad you asked!" Cathy trilled, and started posting 'Howlin' Holidays' signs on the walls. "Luce and I are planning a kid-friendly Christmas party here, for playgroup families and other five-and-unders who wish to attend. Think you can come?"

"I have plans," Arthur said quickly. "My father is visiting, and Maggie and I are visiting her grandparents for a couple of days over the new year."

"Well lucky you," Cathy said, grin gone shark-like. "It's a full week before Christmas, so everyone should be able to make it."

Arthur nodded. It wasn't that he didn't like the holidays, or even the horrible Christmas Cheer phenomenon. Maggie was starting to understand the idea of Holidays in general, though she still called them all 'birthday,' and if it did make him pine a bit for a second parent to fill out their holiday card greetings, so be it. But the idea of going to a kid-friendly Christmas party alone, watching his child make friends while he still avoided the frankly carnivorous singles, was more than a bit depressing. 

In the play area, Maggie was dancing her heart out to Raffi's "It's My Bathtime" along with another kid of similar size. They flailed their arms and shook their heads and laughed, fell over, and danced some more before Arthur had a chance to panic over bruising and potential bone injuries and hysterical crying fits. His baby girl was more socially skilled than he was, and she still couldn't say her full name.

"Lucky me," he said to Cathy, and tried to summon up a smile. "I'll be sure to come."

"Thanks," Cathy said. "Just sign up on the board. With your name there, we know all the mums will follow!"

"I hate you," Arthur said, but dutifully inscribed 'Arthur and Marguerite Pendragon, cookies and cider.' He dove into the play space a moment later, to separate Maggie and a smaller child when they started fighting, and forgot the party for the moment if not the day.

~o~  
"You aren't coming to the Howlin' Holidays party, are you?" Arthur asked over the phone.

"The what? What are you talking about?" Gwaine said. "I thought having a kid put a stop to partying, Pendragon."

"Right. It does. So you're not coming to the party at the Puzzletime Playgroup next week?"

"Playgroup? Oh! You mean Roxanne, no, we're done. She was just- we're well and over."

"Oh. Good," Arthur said, and wiped his hands on his pants. "Then what do I do? I've got a party to go to and no date and no beard, no thanks to you."

"S'not my problem, is it? Sorry, mate, I've no idea. I'm all about finding dates, not avoiding them," Gwaine said with no sympathy whatsoever.

"But Gwaine! You were a terrible beard; you owe me."

"Do not. You're a big boy, go on your own! Don't make it some grand drama, just deal."

"Fine," Arthur huffed. "Thanks."

"Seriously Arthur," Gwaine said, "if you're that concerned, take another friend who doesn't sleep with everyone. Take Leon!"

Arthur snorted. "Yeah, Leon. Right."

"Or, you know, someone less married. You have loads of friends, you'll be fine."

"Thanks, Gwaine."

"Bye Arthur.

"Bye."

Arthur sighed, and mentally listed his friends. Gwaine, unfit for human consumption; Lance, so straight he could barely put pants on; Leon, married to his sister; Percival, on tour somewhere cold playing heavy metal; Elyan... Hm.

Twenty minutes later he discovered that Elyan was living in Siberia, studying nomadic lifestyles around the Arctic Circle. So, Arthur had to either hire an escort service or make new friends, and he certainly wasn't spending extra cash on a fake date when he could be putting it into Maggie's college fund.

"You know," Gwen said over that week's dinner, "you don't know if that cafe guy is busy."

"Merlin? Nah, I'd never ask him to help me out like this," Arthur said, and dug into his gnocchi. "Great sauce, Lance."

"Thanks!"

But by Tuesday, things were looking a bit grim. The party was that Friday, and it felt like middle school all over again, only worse. At least in middle school he'd felt irresistible, even if he'd been oily and weird. Now he felt tired and stressed. In his imagination, he would end up the wounded giraffe at a party full of ravenous lions in sensible heels. There was a bit of a line at Coffee Ole, so he sipped at his milk and fussed with Maggie's bib until Merlin had time. Maggie had a new toy to play with- it made quiet 'bing' and 'pong' noises as she pushed different buttons, and if she turned it to different sides it changed color. She was mesmerized, and Arthur couldn't blame her- but he was distracted from the pretty lights and nice sounds.

"So, you're afraid of... what, exactly?"

"They'll eat me!" Arthur said, then paused. "Figuratively."

"Right," Merlin said. "What will actually happen?"

"I'll get bored, and I'll feel awkward." Arthur said.

"Okay. Is that so bad?" Merlin asked.

"No, but there will be other fathers there, and I'll be single, and I won't have anything to say."

"Really?"

Arthur gave him a look. "Merlin, stop psychoanalyzing me. If I want a shrink I'll go to therapy. Right now I want a solution so I won't be the lone single male at the playgroup party on Friday."

"Well then. You can't take another single dad along?"

"My single father social circle is one person large."

"Okay, point taken. You need a date."

"And my horrible friends have all abandoned me," Arthur said, until he remembered where he was and who he was talking to. "You!"

"What?" And then it seemed to click for Merlin, and he shook his head. "No! Not me! I'm terrible, inappropriate, I dropped a coffee yesterday. I drop coffee everyday, all the days, everywhere, hot coffee; it's like the seas are filled with coffee, really."

"You're perfect, Merlin!" Arthur said, "Come with me, save me from the hungry single lions. Be my gay beard, protect me from the yoga moms. They're so persistent!"

"Arthur, I- Just- there's nothing wrong with yoga!"

"They tell me how flexible they are," Arthur said, voice flat and deadly serious.

"Oh. God, that's scary." Merlin said.

"See?" Arthur pleaded, "You're good with Maggie, I know, she likes you, you have a nice smile, and you're going to charm them all, just come and tell them we're dating and it'll all be fine."

Merlin looked skeptical.

"Just one day, I promise, just one party."

"Arthur," he started.

"Please?" Arthur said, and as much as he tried not to, he knew some actual fear showed on his face.

Merlin sighed. "Just once. Never again. And I get to call you whatever ridiculous pet names I want."

"Thank you," Arthur said, and he meant it.  
~o~

Merlin arrived at Arthur's home at 5:10 exactly, his light-blue Mazda crunching a bit on the gravel driveway. Arthur was alerted to this fact not by the doorbell ringing or a knock on the door, but by Maggie's energetic screaming.

"Merman!"

"Yes!" Arthur said, and scooped her up into his arms. She giggled and wriggled as they went to open the door. The doorbell rang just as they opened the door to find Merlin, caught mid-fidget.

"Merman!" Maggie cried.

"Ah- " said Merlin, and Arthur smiled.

"Welcome to the madhouse," he said. "We're just a bit behind schedule, but we'll be ready soon."

"I see that," he said. "Where are your shoes?"

Behind her, Arthur rubbed his hand through his hair. "She has red and green shoes to match her dress," Arthur said, "and three hours ago they were right here. Now-" he sighed, and put his hand in his hair, again.

"Hey," Merlin said, "how about Maggie and I put this stuff in the car, and you can change and find her shoes, okay?"

Arthur looked at him gratefully. "Thank you. I'll just need five minutes."

Arthur dashed up the stairs the minute he saw Merlin nod. He took a moment to be surprised- Merlin dressed up well. He'd be a fake boyfriend to be proud of, if the fluorescent lights of playgroup did any justice to the way his blue shirt made his eyes shine, and he could keep just a bit of that cold-weather blush in his cheeks. Merlin made excellent arm candy, Arthur reflected, digging through piles of stuffed animals, then laundry, then the back of his own closet searching for Maggie's shoes.

Naturally, they were on the bathroom sink next to the strawberry-banana toothpaste and the baby wipes. He checked the clock- shit!- got ready in record time, and headed downstairs.

"Ready?" Arthur asked on his way to the kitchen.

"Got cookies, cider, Maggie's snacks, a bag of spare clothes, and the 'Playgroup' bag in the car, and Maggie's right here," Merlin said. Arthur stared at him for a moment.

"You're amazing," he said.

Merlin grinned. "I know. Now let's go! Can't be late!"

The problem with Merlin is that he got along with everyone. Arthur liked him, but they'd been having five-minute conversations for six months solid so it hardly counted. Marguerite loved him. Gwen loved him, and she'd never even met him. So of course, the parents of the Puzzletime Playgroup Howlin' Holiday party thought he was marvelous. He and Arthur mingled, snacked, and sipped their way around the room all night, keeping close.

"If you leave me alone I'll tell them I met you on Craigslist," Arthur said, "and I have the car keys."

"No need to threaten, I won't let them eat you," Merlin had answered. "Anyways, I'm sure there are plenty of nice people on Craigslist, don't discriminate."

Arthur had been worrying about what the other parents would think, him dating a younger man ("I'm twenty-four, it's hardly cradle-robbing!") but it caused hardly a ripple when Merlin mentioned his university courses. In fact, it made him yet more popular, if that was even possible. Arthur had to drag him away- physically- from the dad who revealed that he was a social worker, and specialized in geriatric medical care.

"He was nice, Arthur, don't be a berk!"

"If I had to listen to one more minute of graduate degrees and meaningful change and earnest discussion of 'society's most neglected,' I was going to rip out my hair."

"Mm, good point, there's not much left to lose."

"Are you implying that I'm losing my hair? I am NOT going bald, Merlin. Do you hear me? I'm not!"

The only thing Arthur felt a bit bad about was deceiving Cathy and Lucy. He honestly wasn't sure why he hadn't mentioned that his date was a fake boyfriend, but it hadn't seemed necessary at the time. Now he regretted it just a tiny bit, mostly when Merlin told their 'origin story'...

"So, where did you meet?"

"Coffee Ole, actually. My uncle Gaius is the owner, and when I moved here I started working there to pay my bills."

"Is that the place down the road a bit? That's been there forever!"

"So has my uncle; he's about three hundred years old..."

But Arthur convinced himself that he'd tell them when the time came, probably quite soon. It was more delaying the truth, really. Looked at in the proper light, it was hardly even lying at all! After all, Arthur hadn't said that they were romantic- it was just assumed when they arrived together. And you know what they say about assumptions. Really, Arthur thought, he was giving them a practical lesson in social constructs. He was doing them a service, as a favor to the community. Right.

Maggie got fed and exhausted, and as Arthur pulled into his own driveway, he felt surprisingly... pleased. Merlin helped him unload the car into the front hall, and Arthur carried his comatose daughter up to her room, where he pulled off her shoes, laid her in bed, and brushed the hair out of her face with a soft smile before heading back downstairs.

"I want to thank you, again, for tonight," Arthur said, and Merlin turned awkwardly from where he'd been bringing the bags in from the car.

"It's nothing, really," Merlin said.

"It really is something. This is the first party I've enjoyed in- well, in a while. You helped, and they loved you, so thanks." Arthur said, and valiantly did not scuff his shoe on the carpet.

"You know, Arthur, I think this is the most 'thank you's I've ever heard you say in one day. You're welcome. Now I have class and a shift tomorrow so I'm going to bed, but I'll see you Tuesday, right?"

"Right," Arthur said, and closed the door behind Merlin as he left. Then he put away the leftovers from the party, loaded the dishwasher, put more diapers in the playgroup bag, and went upstairs. When both he and Maggie had brushed their teeth and changed into their jammies, he could finally go to sleep.

He dreamed of Colleen, and Merlin, and himself, and all of it was good.

~o~

The next Tuesday was snowing and dreary, so he got hot chocolate for Marguerite and tea for himself, and when Merlin stopped by for a brief chat it was like nothing had happened. Really, nothing was different at all, except for the extra-Christmassy music playing.

The next Tuesday was just after Christmas, and playgroup was exhausting. There weren't as many parents or children, but everyone had stories about visiting family and outlandish gifts, and Arthur had nothing. A five-years-dead father, a sister busy with her husband and work, and no spouse to celebrate with. He hadn't told Maggie it was Christmas- they would see her mom's parents the next week, and she'd never know the difference. Still, all the glowing moms with their holiday cheer made him want to drown himself in eggnog. When they got to Coffee Ole, Merlin wasn't there.

"Merlin's visiting his mum," the older woman behind her counter (Fiona? Fara? Her name tag was faded) told him, and while he knew she meant well, it felt like a punch to the gut.

The third Tuesday after the party, he was visiting Colleen's parents. They doted on Marguerite, loved her with all the love that two grandparents could bring. Maggie had adored them, even if she had asked to sleep in her daddy's bed each night. Arthur knew it was hard for her, and wished for so much, but all he could do was be her rock, her anchor, her dad, and hope that he could be enough. 

Merlin seemed to think that one Arthur-dad could raise a daughter, but no matter how charming, a barista majoring in Sociology wasn't enough to assuage his doubts. After all, Arthur had seen his father struggle, and loved him for it, but missed his mother nonetheless. And then his wife had weakened and died in front of him, and he'd watched helplessly and thought, 'Why?'

So he wrapped his arms around his tiny girl, held her close while she fell asleep, and tried to imagine the amazing woman she would become.

~o~

In such a way it turned out that the next time he saw Merlin, they'd been apart for four weeks. Four emotionally exhausting weeks full of visits and gifts and big "I'm very happy" smiles whether anyone was happy or not, and Arthur had found himself missing, _missing_ , Merlin.

"Merman!" Maggie shouted as they ordered their chocolate milks, and Merlin beamed back.

"Maggie! I'm so happy to see you! How was Christmas?"

"Chocolate milk!" She screamed, and Arthur tried to remind her to use inside voices, but it was pretty much a lost cause. They'd had chocolate-chip cookies at playgroup, and she was sugar high. Merlin raised one eyebrow, and Arthur tried to convey both apologies and exhaustion in one expression. From Merlin's sympathetic look, it seemed he'd succeeded.

"How about we get you some apple slices?" Merlin asked.

"Apple!" Maggie shouted again, then whacked her hands together and made smashing noises. They sat down and Merlin joined them with a handful of sliced apple a minute later.

"How does your uncle keep in business?" Arthur asked, gesturing to the empty shop.

"Oh, we get quite a crowd in the morning, and over rush-hour when the off-work crabbies come through and eat all the pastries. And Gaius invented some obscure brand of vegan, non-allergenic lubricant so he can afford it." Merlin said, and grinned wickedly when Arthur started coughing.

"Your uncle invented... lubricants? Like, _that_ kind of lubricant?" He said, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah, he used to work for Colgate or something. He can't really say what he worked on, but he patented the lube on his spare time so he's got a nest egg that keeps him in the black when this place goes in the red." Merlin snickered. "I mean, he's ancient now, but he wasn't always, and he's always offering me the stuff but I'd feel a bit odd, using his brand."

"What brand is it?" Arthur asked nervously.

"What, are you a vegan? It's 'Natural Sensations,' I think." Merlin said, and Arthur released a sigh.

"Thank god." Arthur looked at Marguerite, back at Merlin, and changed the subject.

~o~

As he discovered at that week's dinner with Gwen and Lance, Natural Sensations wasn't just for vegans. It was, however, quite expensive, and if Merlin didn't want it, then Arthur's horny friends did. Arthur did not tell him that, because associating Merlin with sex, or lubricant, or anything even close to masturbation was just too awkward to bear. As was the imagery the next time Arthur tried to jerk off before bed. Lips around his cock, red lips with a quirky grin, blue eyes, short black hair, long fingers on masculine hands-

He really didn't want to talk about it, especially because they'd all laugh. Picking up a pretty young barista, at this point in his life? He was a caricature of himself. Well, it was only a crisis if he decided it was one, and Arthur was going to chill out and deal. Gay, bi, pansexual, giraffe, whatever he was, he had bigger things to freak out about than who he was attracted to.

Or so he told himself the next time he saw Merlin, and that giant, cheerful smile made his heart flip just a bit.

~o~

Of course, that flip may have been his body's natural response to the arrival of February. Whatever idiot who said that April was the cruellest month had clearly never lived through Valentine's day, which was one week after the anniversary of his wife's death. Every year. Arthur tried very, very hard to get out. He saw his friends, visited the grocery store, bought postage stamps, got a haircut- did anything, in short, but sit at home and stare at the calendar and wait. He knew the date of his mum's death, and he still visited her grave every year, but mostly he remembered the weeks leading up to it, when his father grew increasingly terse and unavailable. That wasn't a memory he wanted Meg to have, so he made sure to stay busy up until the anniversary, when he would give in. This year it fell on a Tuesday, thank god, so he could drop Maggie at playgroup, and she could enjoy at least part of the day while he sat in a chair and didn't talk to anyone. It was pathetic, but necessary, and he hoped Colleen could forgive him one day of misery a year.

Afterwards they bought chocolate milk. Merlin looked up as they came in and smiled, but the smile died as quickly as it had flared.

"What's wrong?"

"We're on the way to the cemetery. Can I have two chocolate milks?" Arthur said, and they finished their transaction in silence.

At the florist, Arthur let Maggie pick the flowers. She chose fluffy pink and white carnations, and when they stood in front of Colleen's tombstone, laid them quietly on the grass. 

"Here's flowers. They're pink," she said, and whatever else she said was inaudible to Arthur, if she said anything at all. He picked her up, stood for a moment with his hand on the headstone and their daughter against his chest- her legs were getting long and skinny, from the newest growth spurt. He felt a connection for a moment, between the two most important women in his life, and felt the responsibility of carrying his wife's memories until his daughter was old enough to want them, and understand. Then he nodded, turned, and headed home.

When Valentine's Day came one week later, Arthur was ready to grin and bear it... though he skipped Gwaine's party.

~o~

He hadn't anticipated Coffee Ole's special holiday do-up. They'd done nothing for Thanksgiving, had a token gourd out for Halloween, decorated the bare minimum for the Winter Holiday Season, but as Merlin pointed out, "Gaius made his fortune off of lube. Of course he decorates for Valentine's Day!"

Arthur shuddered and acknowledged the point.

"I want to explain, for last week," he said once they'd sat down. "February seventh is... difficult for me, and I wasn't in the mood to discuss the reason, but I didn't mean to be rude."

"Don't worry," Merlin said. "I wasn't offended. I didn't know, but I could guess, and you don't have to apologize to me."

"Right, then I won't," said Arthur, and they sat in uncomfortable, non-apologetic silence until Arthur took a sip of his chocolate milk from his unspillable Elmo sippy cup. Merlin's lip quirked, and Arthur quirked back, and they grinned.

"So," Merlin said in his most ridiculous, insinuating voice, "Who's your valentine?"

"My valentine," said Arthur, "is this beautiful young lady right here!"

"Arthur, I'm quite sure your daughter cannot be your valentine. If anything, that was a rhetorical question."

Arthur frowned. "I'll have you know that until you came around as my party-safe arm candy, I was up to my elbows in valentines," he said.

"Yes, and then you needed to be rescued."

"Need is a relative term," Arthur said. "But I did want help, and you got wonderful company and several meals' worth of delicious, home-cooked food out of it so no complaining. Anyways," he said with a distinct smirk, "who is _your_ valentine, Merlin Emrys? Do you have a main squeeze to enjoy Natural Sensations with? Anyone to help you enjoy this most profitable of holidays?"

Merlin recoiled a bit, and said "No," quite primly. "I'm too busy. I work all day, study all night, and if you must know, my 'main squeeze' and I broke up when I moved north."

"You're from the south? You don't have an accent," Arthur said.

"I'm from Mansfield."

"But that's not so far!"

"I didn't say it was because of the distance. We just broke up."

"Ah. Touchy subject?"

"He was a- ," Merlin's eyes flicked toward Maggie before he continued, "donut-face."

Arthur heard 'he,' and somewhere in his head, a tiny ticky-box labelled 'Merlin's sexuality' was filled in 'compatible,' and he had to hide an equally tiny, victorious smile.

"I can tell."

~o~

Either Cathy had been spreading evil rumours, or one of the gossipy people at Playgroup had decided that his black mood had been caused by a bad breakup, because it wasn't long before the first new single mom found him out.

"Hi," she said, "I'm Eveline, we're new." She was pretty, and looked a bit like a Land's End model.

"Arthur," he said, "and that's Maggie in the striped sweater."

"She's lovely," Eveline said, correctly, "I'm here with Jade." She gestured to a chubby girl with dozens of braids.

"Is this your first time?" Arthur said, knowing it was, and making small talk to delay impending doom.

"Yeah, we've just moved in to Dedham, not too far from here. Her grandparents live nearby, and my husband and I just separated, so we wanted to be closer to home." Arthur nodded sympathetically, so she continued, "Does your wife work?"

"No," he said, "She passed."

"Oh." Eveline shifted, looked away, and Arthur knew that he'd made her uncomfortable, but really didn't want to be asked on another date.

"Actually," he said, seized by a wild impulse, "I'm seeing someone." He noticed an eavesdropper freeze.

"That's great," Eveline said, and to her credit, she actually looked happy.

"Yeah, his name is Merlin, he's really something," he said. Inside his head a voice was saying 'What?' and, 'Why are you saying this?' But he didn't stop, and Eveline ("Call me Eva") started asking about babysitting services and local pediatric dentists, and the eavesdropper went back to texting, and life went back to normal. Really, being fake-boyfriends and being half-boyfriends felt pretty much the same.

~o~  
When they went for their chocolate milk and muffin snack break, Arthur didn't tell Merlin about his new role. He wouldn't mind, right? And what he didn't know couldn't hurt him.

~o~

The funny thing was, once it got around that Arthur was in a settled, happy homosexual relationship, Playgroup dynamics changed. The single moms he'd turned down suddenly became a bit more friendly, without the pity. The married women included him in their conversations about their husbands. It was almost like he'd passed some kind of test, and now he was allowed into the women's castle. And while Arthur appreciated finally being accepted into the club, it felt like deception. He wasn't any gayer than he'd been before. But the problem with being bisexual is that, at least for monogamous people, the side of one's orientation that one displays is the orientation others assume. Arthur was talking this over with a 'so happy for you, really' Gwen and Lance on Saturday dinner when Gwen pointed out another obvious deception.

"You're not actually dating Merlin, though, are you? I mean, sexuality assumptions and philosophy aside, isn't that kind of a problem?"

"Well, he did agree to be my fake boyfriend," Arthur hedged.

"For one night," Gwen pushed. "For one party, even. Did you ask him about this before you told the ladies?"

"No," Arthur said.

Lance said, "And now they know where he works."

"Ooh! Arthur you've got to fix that," Gwen said. "It'll get around to him fast enough, if it hasn't already."

That wasn't something Arthur had really considered, oddly enough. Coffee Ole was so frequently empty that he'd come to think of it as their cafe, private and isolated. The idea that other parents, cheerful mums and kids from parent groups, could come in and gossip was an honest surprise. But as he dug into their spring peas and ground beef empanadas, he realized his friends were right. Merlin needed to know, and fast.

He didn't tell Merlin that week. It nagged at him all through Tuesday's playgroup, and as he lingered over chocolate milk and a corn muffin, but no matter how he tried to introduce a continued fake relationship into conversation, the right moment never seemed to come up. Merlin seemed to pick up on it, asking if he was alright, if he was worried, but he shook his head 'no' and asked about classes.

On Thursday he texted Merlin with the intention of telling him. __  
Arthur: Is this Merlin?  
Merlin: No, its Merlin's Seoul. The difference should b pretty obvious by no, Arthur.  
Merlin: *cell  
Arthur: Seoul? Are you secretly Korean? Look, I may have made a mistake.  
Merlin: Oh, is it serious? Do you need help?  
Arthur: No, I'm fine.  
Merlin: what did u doll?  
Merlin: do?  
Arthur: I may have... implied something that wasn't true to some people in the Playgroup.  
Merlin: Oh  
Arthur: Now they think I'm in a relationship I'm not in.  
Merlin: Oh. So why is this a problrm? U wanted them 2 think u were dating before  
Arthur: You're right, nevermind. I was just panicking. I don't like to lie to people  
Merlin: Do you want to talk? I can take my break early.  
Arthur: You're at work? Shit, you shouldn't be texting. Go make coffee!  
Merlin: u idiot  
Arthur: Takes one to know one. Now go back to work! 

On Friday he texted Merlin 'Hello,' then didn't get a response, but after two hours he hardly noticed, because he and Marguerite were busy bouncing around at Gymboree. When he checked his phone he saw three texts and a missed call.

_Arthur: Hello?_  
Merlin: Hi, sryy I missed u  
Merlin: I bet ur ignoring me Judy to be annoying.  
Merlin: just 

Arthur smiled, and couldn't bring himself to call Merlin back and explain the situation quite yet.

On Saturday Lance and Gwen chewed him out for not telling Merlin yet, then moved on to the new music they'd listened to, and diaper brands, and what Elyan was getting up to in the Arctic (lots of reindeer jerky).

On Monday he got four missed calls from Merlin while he was working with the ringer turned off. They blinked and flashed at him when he stopped to roll his shoulders and make himself and Maggie a sandwich, and the lack of text messages seemed somehow ominous. He set Maggie up with applesauce, then called Merlin back.

"Arthur, my dear," Merlin said as he picked up. "I just heard the most interesting piece of news. Would you like to know what it is, honey?"

Arthur winced. "I have a feeling I might already know."

"Yes, I thought you might. A woman came in with her baby today, and told me she knew my boyfriend. I don't know how many Arthurs there are in your social circle, but I'm definitely the only Merlin at this coffee shop. Imagine how surprised I was to realize I had a boyfriend without even being notified!"

"I'm sorry, Merlin," Arthur said, but Merlin was not nearly done.

"You know, I would understand if you'd asked. I would have probably even agreed. I know you wanted to fit in with the moms, and I know how important it is to have friends. But I really thought we were friends, and then you pulled this on me, embarrassed me at work with no notice, no warning except for last week's cryptic- and worrying- text messages. I was really concerned for you, you know? I was afraid you'd done something inadvisable that might have ended up hurting you. But no! Instead you end up getting my advice and reassurance for how you made me look incredibly foolish in front of my coworkers."

"I'm sorry," Arthur said again, knowing it was not enough. "I've been trying to tell you all week. It just slipped out, I don't know why I said it, and I didn't know how to tell you."

"You know, the direct approach would have been best. Try 'Merlin, I pretended you were my boyfriend again, hope you don't mind' next time," Merlin said.

"I know, I was an idiot. I hope you weren't too bad off at work."

Merlin sighed. "My uncle thinks I've been sleeping around and that I'm too embarrassed to tell him. I'm expecting another lube and condom gift basket any minute." Arthur couldn't help but snort. "It's not funny!" Merlin insisted. "He's practically my father, and he keeps doing it!"

Arthur snorted again, then said, "I've felt horribly guilty all week, if that helps. Gwen and Lance are about ready to massacre me for being- " he looked over at Maggie, slurping on applesauce, and reconsidered his language- "unwise."

"Mmm," Merlin hummed. "Well, George took the phone away before I could really let you have it, so I've had a few hours to think, and I've decided something.

"Okay," Arthur said, now apprehensive.

"We're doing this section on psychology now," and Arthur knew that nothing good could follow, "and I think you're actually not so averse to the idea of dating as you say you are."

"Merlin, I really don't want a date- " Arthur started.

"No," Merlin said, "What I've heard you say is that you don't want to date women, specifically the playgroup moms. And that's legitimate. I'll respect that. But it's been years, Arthur, and you're overwhelmed and tired, and maybe having a relationship- a fun one, with someone who understands you and Maggie, might help with that."

Arthur scoffed. "You sound just like Lance right now."

"And how long has Lance known you? Who knows you better?" There was a long pause as Merlin waited for Arthur to answer, but he couldn't. Aside from Morgana, he was his oldest friend, and half-sisters really didn't count.

"Alright, I give you that. What do you want from me?"

"A date." Merlin said.

"Merlin, this is ridiculous! What are you going to do, conjure one out of thin air? There's no-one who even-"

"With me. Go on a date with me."

"-fits that description, what?" Arthur said, interrupting himself. "Wait, with you? A real one?"

"Yeah," Merlin said, "a real one. You can choose the place and time, just, let's try it out outside of the coffee shop. Yeah?"

Arthur thought. "Let's talk. Like, let's have a talk, in person. Do you have time later this week?"

"How's Friday?"

~o~

"I've just come from class, so you'll have to carry my text books," said Merlin, taking off his backpack. It landed with a thump and a cloud of dust.

"Right," Arthur said, then tried to lift it. "How do you manage these every day- they'd snap you right in half!"

"I manage." Arthur rolled his eyes, and Merlin smirked. "Must be all my young, virile muscles keeping me fit. I understand if you've gotten a bit infirm."

"Infirm! I'll show you infirm," Arthur said, then dropped the bag in favor of throwing Merlin over his shoulder. Merlin kicked and flailed, howling about abuse and mistreatment, until Arthur dumped him onto the grass a few feet away, and sat down alongside. They both laughed and gasped, until Merlin got up.

"What? Sick of me already?" Arthur said.

"Those books cost more than God," Merlin corrected. "Let's walk."

They walked. Arthur followed Merlin into the wetlands preserve, over the boardwalk where the traffic sounds disappeared in favor of frogs and the wind in the trees. There was a comfortable quiet until they got to a bend in the trail, and sat down.

"You wanted to talk," Merlin said.

"You wanted a date," Arthur replied.

"Yes, and so did you. Subconsciously, that is. Maybe less want than need. And that's okay. People aren't meant to be alone, and be parents alone," Merlin said, and continued quickly, "I know you're not alone but anyways that's not the point. The point is I like you and let's try a date."

Arthur sighed. "It's easy for you to say."

Merlin grinned. "And why is that?"

"You're young," Arthur said, "and you haven't got all the ties that grow as you get older. You haven't got all the responsibilities."

"No, I've got a job and an apartment and an almost-full course schedule and growing student debt," Merlin said. "Clearly I'm flighty and fancy-free."

"You know what I mean," Arthur said with a scowl.

"I think I do. I haven't been married, I haven't experienced that kind of loss, and I don't have a daughter. That's different." Merlin said, and looked back out at the marsh.

"It's significant," Arthur said.

"I didn't say it wasn't," Merlin answered.

"You're twenty-four,"

"Twenty-five, now."

"Thank you," Arthur said testily. "Twenty-five. You've got your whole life ahead of you, and I left most of mine behind. I don't know why you'd want to be involved with me, but I don't think you understand."

Merlin looked so sad. "How old are you, Arthur?"

"Thirty-four."

"Not that much older than me, then, and you certainly have a lot more life to live. Don't make age into a problem when it's clearly not. It's fine if you don't like me, but I won't be throwing my life away by being with you. You're hardly an old Mr. Rochester."

Arthur snorted at that. "I'm far more attractive than him," he said.

"Precisely," said Merlin. "You know, I grew up in a single-parent home. I know you're busy and tired, and I don't expect you to spend all your time with me when you need to take care of Marguerite. Where is she now?"

"Cathy and Lucy's house."

"From playgroup? Nice," Merlin said. "I wouldn't mind spending time with you and her together. I like Maggie! And I know that dating you means becoming a part of Maggie's life, eventually. How much is up to you, but I don't mind."

"You're already part of her life," Arthur said. "She's been asking for 'Merman' after playgroup for months, now. If you're not there, she pouts." Merlin smiled.

"Really?"

"No, Merlin, I lie for amusement."

"Oh enough," Merlin said. "See, it's practically too late already. Anyways, when you've been drinking chocolate milk with the same man for several months in a row, most people would say you're dating already."

"I suppose you may have a point," Arthur said. "I'd hate to set a bad example for Marguerite."

"See? So you have to date me!" Merlin said.

"Let's walk," Arthur said instead, but this time he extended a hand, and Merlin took it.

~o~

Arthur screwed up his courage, reminded himself that being indirect never solved anything, and texted Merlin a few nights later.

_Arthur: Do you have a few hours?_

The answer came ten minutes later.

_Merlin: What r u thinking of?_

_Arthur: A kid-free morning, a museum and restaurant_

_Merlin: ok. Wknd?_

_Arthur: How's 9, Saturday morning?_

_Merlin: c u there :)_

Arthur would say he wasn't nervous when he dropped Meg off with Lance and Gwen (who he now owed many, many babysitting hours), but he'd be lying. He got home, showered, and fussed with his hair until he realized Merlin had seen him with play-dough in it, so it hardly mattered now. He did take care with his outfit though, and ended up in a pair of what Gwaine called 'fucking jeans,' fucking used as a verb, not an adjective. They were a bit tighter than he usually wore, and he tried to think positive thoughts about his own ass as he picked out a shirt- black, button-down, neck open. Positive thoughts. He was not nervous. He wasn't nervous as he drove to the art museum either, and was most definitely not nervous when he stood in front of the entrance and Merlin wasn't there.

Five minutes later he still wasn't there, and ten, and when his cell rang a full twelve minutes late he most definitely did not jump out of his skin.

"Where are you?" Merlin's voice asked over the phone.

"I'm at the entrance, where are you?"

"At the stupid entrance! I've been here fifteen minutes, idiot, I would've seen you if you were here. Are you at the right museum?"

Arthur huffed. "There's only one Museum of Fine Art in this city, of course I'm at the right place. I'm standing here between the two giant creepy baby heads, on the stairs, waiting for you."

There was a long silence from Merlin. "What baby heads?"

"The giant creepy ones! They're five feet tall, on the lawn, facing the road. Honestly, they're hard to miss."

"Right. I'm facing a statue of an Indian chief on a horse."

"... oh. Okay, we're on opposite sides of the museum. I'll come to you," Arthur said, and started walking. As it turned out, there were no less than three main entrances, and they were all rather a long way apart.

"Only a complete moron would go to the politically incorrect doors," Arthur informed Merlin as they checked their coats, hats, gloves, and scarves inside.

"So you chose the door with decapitated children?" Merlin asked.

"Well, yes, it seemed closer," Arthur said, and turned from his pile of outerwear to mock Merlin's choices some more, but whatever he wanted to say got a bit lost in how the blue-green of Merlin's shirt made him look so touchable. It looked soft, like worn cotton, and it made Arthur _want_. Growing up in this city with a well-educated father had some advantages, and Arthur knew the museum better than his own backyard. He took Merlin by the hand and pulled him along- almost running down dark, Etruscan corridors, up a flight of Greco-Roman stairs, past a room full of stone busts, and into a hall of towering Egyptian artifacts.

"Arthur, what are you- where are we going, slow down, I wanted to see that- whoa. Wow," Merlin said, gazing into Sekhmet's eyes, but Arthur wasn't quite done. He pulled Merlin into a small chamber off to one side, dimly lit, whose walls stone walls were painted and carved with hieroglyphs.

"This is beautiful," Merlin said.

"Yes, it is, and it's one of my favorite places in the museum. But it's also private, and I kind of want to kiss the hell out of you now, if that's alright."

"Yes," Merlin said with a grin. "That's alright."

It should have felt strange, kissing a man. It should have felt strange kissing in a museum. It should have felt strange kissing in a room that had been built for the dead. But the nice thing was, it didn't. It felt instead like soft lips, hair slipping between his fingers, his own racing pulse and quickened breath. It felt like pushing on the body in front of them, and instead being pushed back against protective plastic walls, strong hands on the back of his neck and fingers against his cheek. It felt like that first rush being replaced by gentler kisses. Merlin's lips lingered until Arthur felt his tongue press inwards, and he lost track of time completely. That tempting shirt stretched where he clenched his fingers against Merlin's back, and it was a relief when they pulled back to see that Merlin's breath was just as fast as his. Merlin's eyes looked a bit wild when he opened them, and Arthur had to lean in and kiss him again, and again, and again to chase the feeling of those beautiful red lips.

"Oh," said Merlin, and Arthur let out a breathy laugh.

"Yes, oh," he said. "You look great. I'm glad you came."

"Not yet I didn't," Merlin said, and Arthur squawked.

"In the museum! You can't- in the museum."

"Says the man who just jumped me in a sarcophagus," Merlin said,

"But no orgasms in the museum!" Arthur said, scandalized. "There are people!" He paused. "And it's not a sarcophagus. It's an offering chamber."

"You started it," said Merlin, but he didn't sound that put out, so Arthur leaned in again and they met in the middle.

Arthur had his hands tucked under the back of Merlin's shirt, and Merlin's tongue was well into his mouth when two old women walked past their tiny room, discussing their brunch. They pulled back quickly, looked at each other, and started laughing as quietly as they could, before putting themselves to rights and actually seeing the museum. They may have taken advantage of the Japanese Buddhist temple, but it didn't seem like the Buddha would really mind.

They had until one pm, when Arthur would pick up Maggie, so around eleven-thirty they left for lunch.

"So, I'm guessing you want us to keep pretty platonic when Maggie's around," Merlin said, once they were digging into their appetizer.

"Yes," Arthur said. "She's young enough not to care, but I don't want her to be exposed to any of it- romance, sex, relationships, and especially my relationships, until she's older." Merlin nodded.

"What relationship are we, then? Or, what are you ready for?" He asked.

Arthur took a crispy triangle in hand, dipped it thoughtfully, and bit a corner off before he answered, "It's hard, because I never told anyone, but I'm not completely straight. Obviously. But I knew even before, in high school, that I wasn't. But being with Colleen for so long, everybody just assumed." He looked back at Merlin. "I want to date you. I want to be serious about this. I can't just date around because it's hard to find the time for it, but I do want it. I think this is- you, are worth the effort. If you want."

Merlin looked down before he said, "I want."

"Okay." Arthur said, with a decisive nod. "So, does this mean we're boyfriends? God, I feel too old to be a boy-anything."

"We're whatever. Just, let's not make this facebook official. I haven't come out to my entire extended family, and there are four generations of Emryses on my friends list. I don't want to kill anyone from shock." Arthur groaned, then smiled, then tried to hide the beaming behind the rest of their lunch, and failed.

They split the bill, because as Merlin said, "Just because I'm an impoverished Sociology student doesn't mean I need a sugar daddy!" He said it loud enough in the small restaurant that Arthur relented immediately, and hoped he wasn't setting a trend.

~o~

A few months later, somewhere between midnight and dawn, Arthur woke up. He'd been dreaming again, about Colleen's fevered eyes and weak hands as she lay in the hospital, and how the last things she'd said to him were "I love you," and "Promise you'll be happy again someday, for Maggie." He rolled over in their marriage bed to see short black hair, not curly red, and wondered if she would have approved. He threw two legs over the edge, about to stand up, when he heard the telltale rustle-grumble-stretch of a waking bed partner.

"...Arthur?" Merlin said, "Wuss wrong?"

"Just thinking," he said. "You can go back to sleep."

"You're thinking? Thaz shocking," Merlin said, yawned, and rubbed his eyes. "What are you thinking?" he asked more clearly.

Arthur took a very, very deep breath and said, "It was swine flu." His eyes were heavy, focused on his hands. Merlin leaned up against the headboard, but didn't touch him.

"It's bizarre, you know? Everyone said we had to get Meg vaccinated, so we did, but swine flu wasn't really big news around here. Sure, it was in the news, Meg had just been born so we tried to keep away from crowded places." He laughed a bit. "It was easy; we were new parents. I don't think we slept most of flu season, and we certainly weren't going out. We made sure Meg got her shots. Babies and children are at higher risk. But Lena had just gone back to work part-time. She's- was- an engineer. Architecture. She was brilliant, did projects all over town. Her firm was popular, and she was busy and happy, and tired. I didn't realize she was sick until she was too sick, and then it was so fast." 

He turned to Merlin, looking at him without really seeing. "You don't think you're going to die of the flu, really. I didn't think it was possible for someone like her, when she was so healthy and alive. But we hadn't got our shots. They were telling people to save them for the high-risk groups, and it was hard enough finding one for Maggie. We didn't want to be selfish. And then she got sick, and worse, and it was so fast. They weren't sure if it was the pneumonia or the fever in the end, but- " He gestured at the bedside table. "She wrote a letter for Maggie, for when she was old enough. I never opened it; she asked me not to, said it was for our little girl, just in case."

There was a long pause, then Arthur said, "It takes a long time, to get over that. To go out for more than groceries and playgroup. I still don't go out much, really," he said, and his smile was shaky, and twisted, but there.

"But you do, sometimes," Merlin said softly.

"Yeah, I do. Gwen and Lance kept by me, pulled me out. Gwaine calls me, stops by now and then. Cathy and Luce were the first new people I talked to, after. I don't count the mailman. And you. You too." He finally looked Merlin in the eye, and saw him this time. "Sorry, here we are and I'm being maudlin. It's just, you're the first person since Lena, and this, here, brings back a lot of memories."

"It's okay, Arthur," Merlin said, voice rough with sleep. "You're allowed to be sad. Even years after, it's not like you forget her, or she goes away. My mum- my dad died when I was younger. He was in the Navy, stationed in Korea, and of all the stupid things he got hit by a drunk driver. We didn't find out for a week, and she wasn't okay for years. She still misses him, keeps mint growing in the front yard even though she hates it and it keeps drowning out her pansies and tulips and daffodils, because he planted that stupid mint years ago for tea." He touched Arthur to lay a hand on his bare shoulder. 

"You don't have to be okay all the time," Merlin said, "and you don't have to pretend to be okay for me. Actually, please don't. I'd rather have an honestly not-okay Arthur than a fake happy one. It's what I signed up for, isn't it?"

Arthur smiled a little stronger. "I guess it is," he said, then, "I'm gonna get some water and check on Maggie."

Maggie was sleeping angelically, if angels drooled a bit onto Care Bear pillows. When he went back to bed, Merlin was waiting.

"Okay?"

"Okay."

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Multifandom Pretend dating/relationship fest
> 
> Original prompt was:   
>  _I would love to see: Widowed/Divorced Arthur being hounded by the mum's at the playgroup he takes his wee boy to... He resorts to desperate measures to deter them and looks for a pretend bf. He rules out various mates - too straight, too repressed, too flirty & likely to cop a feel of him AND the mum's at playgroup **cough Gwaine**, and finally asks relative stranger Merlin. Merlin is an acquaintance only - either through mutual friends or a barista in his fave coffee shop/deli. Unexpected sparks fly._
> 
> I took a heavy dose of artistic license, so I'm not sure if this counts as a fill anymore, but thank you ememmyem, for posting the prompt that got it all rolling.
> 
> As always, comments are like shiny things to a raven, and concrit is greatly appreciated!


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